this is a blog

it's 8.8.8 and i'm sitting at home with nothing much to do. waiting on a phone call which is exciting. I am going to lexington tomorrow for my papaws birthday party.. we will be eating at Texas Roadhouse which i am not looking forward to at all. "lets take the vegetarian to the steakhouse"... but i have to remember it isn't about me... it's for my papaw and his 70th birthday. WOAH, 70. how crazy is it going to be when i am 70? I can't even begin to fathom what my life will be like at 70... it scares me to think that far into the future. scares me really bad.

I am still looking for a job and I am having NO luck what-so-ever. sad sad sad sad.

I am trying to stay positive and be happy in this place because i know that is what i need to do and what i should do. It really isn't going to be the best experience if I am not happy or at least trying to be satisfied with the reality of my life at the moment. over-analyzing always gets me into trouble.. but it is what i am best at.

i miss people. I miss the people who make me feel important and awesome. i try not to think of what I miss about where i was before where I am now... but it's hard not to. it's such a different life now. it's only for a year.. living in this small town. but shit, a year is a long time for me.

talked to an old friend today and that made me happy even though we aren't "friends" anymore. was good to just chat about things that do not matter instead of fighting and arguing. yeah.

get to see someone special tomorrow and that excites me. maybe i will even get to see other special people. :)

tonight is a strange night. a friend is having some problems and doesn't want to talk... wants to lock herself in a small dark room and lay on the floor. worries me because i know that she needs to just talk and get it out... but she refuses... so i decided i would just write her little notes and slide them under the door to let her know that I am here and i'm not going anywhere. i hope it helped and that she knows that i am here. That's the best thing to know when you are down... that someone actually cares about what happens to you and that someone IS there when and if you decide you need them. that's all i ever want when i am down... because sometimes there are no words to describe what you are feeling and you want to talk but you do not know how... it is just nice to know that someone is there and they would just sit with you while you cryed or just stared at the wall.

anyways... on a lighter note: my birthday is coming up soon. EXCITEMENT. i absolutely LOVE birthdays.. especially my own of course. the big 26 is soon approaching. :) only ....10 days til my lovely birthday. i hope its a good one.

until another day.